I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
