We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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