Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
