So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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