i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
