Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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