Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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