I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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