if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
whose parrot is this?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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