Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
