Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize