sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
