i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
