Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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