I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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