I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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