Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
