you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
