Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
