question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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