do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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