Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
