Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
