Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
