dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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