their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
