I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
