I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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