please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
