I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
