dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize