i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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