The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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