I'm going to rape someone's good day.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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