He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
