I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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