I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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