what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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