he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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