I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
