She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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