The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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