Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
