I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
