i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
