Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
