Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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