Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
