the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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