My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
