dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
