my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
