if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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