You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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