good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
