Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
