I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
