He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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