Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
