She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are my feet made of real feet?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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