Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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