We got so high we made milksteak
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
