he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
