So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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