I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
