Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
