sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
