Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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