I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
