dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
