dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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