Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This house was built for laser tag.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
