the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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