even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's get the cat blown out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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