Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
