Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
