Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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