5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
