i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
