well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
