How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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