im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
