I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
