SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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